Tuesday, February 23, 2016

ok.... so what's the deal?

I'm having the WEIRDEST start to this year ever, and I cannot even fully explain why.  What I can say right now is this: life throws curve balls at you sometimes.  I'm not good at hitting curve balls. Well frankly I'm not good a baseball; which is probably why I am not a pro ball player and am instead trying to be an artist.

I feel like I'm getting off topic.

SO I started in January excited as can be to begin a new year.  It wasn't starting the way I'd originally planned, but I also knew that it wouldn't. 

I have one year left of school.  ONE YEAR.  I'm also not in school right now.  I have no idea when I'll be able to go back.  Financial issues and some family stuff all came up nearly on top of each other.  SO me not being in school right now isn't surprising (financial) and now I'm not sure when I'm going back (family).  I've restated it mostly to get it through my thick skull.  I'm hoping to get it all sorted so that I can head back to school this next spring (2017) and start my last 'year' then.  (From where I'm standing now I think I might only be able to take 6-12 credits at a time.  So my last year will probably stretch out to a last year and a half.... hopefully not 2 years though.... I really really want to finish school at some point this decade.)

So now I'm trying to figure out what to do with myself.  I don't feel confident enough to launch my career.  I tried towards the end of 2015 to ask for help from family and friends in getting my career started; mostly I got sarcastic remarks.  I did get a few lovely people who said they'd donate if they could, but money was tight for them as well.  I get this; I really do, and while it would've been convenient to get some funding to start selling art.  I honestly knew it wouldn't work.  It was kind of an embarrassing desperate attempt (I'm prideful; I hate asking for money...). 

Money aside (which I've since figured out ways to get around the reasons I needed some) I ended last semester on a pretty down note.  I'm not going to go into it; I wrote a really long blog post (it's the one right below this post...) So even if everything was perfect I'm not sure if I'd feel the confidence to really start selling art.  So far I've made no attempt to sell art this year. 

Partly because of insecurities.  Partly because I'm really not sure where to start.  I've been given suggestions by wonderful people; but it keeps swinging around to that 'do I have anything worth selling'  I might.  I'm not sure. 

This month I tried to create a challenge for myself and did the #fanartfeb2016 hash tag.  I actually still have every intention of both finishing the 29 drawings and posting them.  (this is a little overly ambitious since there are only 6 days left of the month... and while I have several planned out I have very few even to the rough sketch phase)

So... what's the deal?

beside time management and insecurities.  I actually do have a lot of goals for this year.  I just keep running into 'Unexpecteds'.  I've not been very good at handling them.  This isn't hard to admit; much harder to plan how to react to the next one. 

My plan right now is to finish out this month strong.  Even if I only get 12 sketches up for my #fanartfeb2016 at least I'll have been drawing.

I have plans for this next month.  I'm not going to share them quiet yet.  I've got to plan (and also clean my office; it's been neglected lately).  So I'll check back in a week on March 1st.  

It's a long update; but I felt one was long overdue.  Sorry no cute drawings right now.  I'll do my best to make up for it.